#42

i was staying over at a friend’s house when i got bored late in the night and decided to get on gaydar. i searched [40-50, slim, caucasian] and found #42. by then it was too late to meet so we just exchanged numbers.

what a nice surprise this was. he came over in his expensive car and we drove up to hampstead in the evening and made out on top of parliament hill in the dark, cool, summer evening. there were lots of heavy petting and we got back into the car and found a quiet street in one of the posh areas of hampstead – at one point a security car drove past: phew. we didn’t do anything further except more kissing and touching.

sometimes some men just want human contact and affection. i can usually tell the way they hold me and excuse me for being corny: the forlorn look in their eyes.

a day later i get a text: “come to paris with me tomorrow.”

#2

this was maybe 4 years ago. i remember #2. early days when sexuality was an extremely awkward and uncomfortable thing for me. we met online on a non-sexual site and planned to meet in oxford.

it was just a weekend visit for me where he could show me around town. but who are we kidding. late that night things got physical when he offered me a massage – the one valuable lesson in initiation i have learned.

but just like this whole situation, #2 is awkward, different and unconventional. he had put on an asian gay film i can’t remember which one but it starred tony leung. we spent all night lying on a futon in living room with him touching me all over. i think my nipples were bruising the next day and i certainly had a case of ‘blue balls’. he did not even want to kiss – he dislikes it. i hate being deprived of kissing!

with balls and nipples hurting, i cut the trip short and left the next day. another lesson in planning too much and putting needless effort for casual meets. he had nice legs though – lean, firm and hard veiny thighs.

#33

just another listless tuesday. after meeting #32 for lunch and realising nothing is happening there i texted #33. just by coincidence he was free in the evening because he had a date cancelled. #33 goes way back but he doesn’t know it – one of those hard-to-get men who think they have everything and therefore can shrug off a meet with ‘maybe’ because i am ‘just another guy’. i was in the mood for this.

as expected #33 was full of himself, boisterous, talkative with a public school boy accent. so anxious about filling in silences and his compulsion for being in control filled my sitting room like unwelcome sunshine on a lazy sunday morning. i had to shut him up quickly so offered a massage. was i wrong … he talked throughout.

good on me for stalling and delaying. no sex. 1.5 hours later he is in my bathroom with a bad case of diarrhea and gas. i know, not sexy. he left as soon as he could.

i wish you were there. it was very amusing.